1. Monotonous prayer life. My prayers seemed either "canned" or a jumble of incoherent babbles. There would be those prayers that were good but the cluttered ones seemed more prevalent. It worried me. It saddened me because I believe that God deserves only the best from me. The Holy of holies desired a good conversation from me and I could not offer one. Til my friend and former staff Omni bought me this book by Philip Yancey entitled Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference. Allow me to quote,
I felt relieved that someone could relate to me and more importantly, now I know what I am going through. And now I can just do what God commands, "Be still and know that I am God"."Whenever I get depressed by a lack of spiritual progress, I realize that my very dismay is a sign of progress. I have the sense of slipping further from God mainly because I have a clearer idea of what God desires and how far short I fall."
I am still at page 44 of the book and I intend to spend time reading this very beautiful book. Though very different from Max Lucado's style of writing, Philip Yancey appeals to me in a different yet good sort of way. I can't wait to really dive further into the boook.
2. Chaotic surroundings. I spend majority of my waking moments in the workplace. And it is in this same place -- my "second home" -- that I find the opposite of what home is supposed to be. Backstabbing, gossip, foul language, impressionism, "I, me, myself" attitudes, anger, disappointment, revenge, craftiness, lack of sensitivity to name a few. I am not spared from being a victim and because this is so, I tend to retaliate --- not very Christian, I know. I give my best at the workplace and I persevere to be a "candle in the darkness" at the workplace but I do falter at times. Recently, I had a very emotional moment about work and people at work. I felt so defeated and so victimized. I could not help but think that I didn't deserve this, I am a Christian after all. But then during my prayer time as I read the book of Proverbs and Psalms, I understood. Let me share some verses that lifted my spirits and gave me strength.
Proverbs 3: 11-12 My child, don't reject the Lord's discipline, and don't be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.
Psalm 91: 14-16 The Lord says, " I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation."
I knew that because I was not entirely without guilt for the situation I was in, God was correcting my ways. Not to make me upset but to show that he delights in me enough to correct me. And as I read thru the book of Psalms, I was further comforted to remember that my God loves me and that he will not leave me. Rather he will hear me and protect me. My prayers are not falling on deaf ears. In fact, he has rescued me from the "arrows of the wicked". I am moving to a new group in the office and I believe that this is not just a coincidence but deliverance. But, it's not entirely a "harmless" environment coz I basically still belong to the same big team. But I am definitely in a better place now.
Today, I feel a lot better. I am comforted and full of hope for the days to come. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I have witnessed his mighty hand on my life, there is no reason for me not to trust him.
